I know it's been a while, and a lot has changed since the last time I wrote. On one hand I want to share it with you all, and on the other, I don't. What is she talking about?! You're probably wondering. Well I'll tell you!
For the longest time I've been extremely frustrated with people who flaunt their personal lives on the Internet. When I was frustrated in dating, it was the people who were posting picture after picture of their husbands and their amazing vacations, etc that bothered me up the wazoo. And more recently, it was the people who posted an abysmal amount of baby pictures.
So now you're probably thinking that I'm a jealous person and that I don't like seeing other people have what I don't have. And to a certain extent you'd be right. But honestly, I think it's more to do with the fact that though my dating experiences were relatively mild compared to my friends horrendous journeys, it was more the baby pictures that bothered me personally. And that would be because almost exactly a year ago, I had a miscarriage.
It's amazing how much people take having babies for granted. How when things are easy for you (myself included), you don't even bother to think about the person who things might not be so easy for. For the past year I had to sit through so many conversations about parents complaining about getting no sleep, or having no social life because of their children, not knowing myself if I could or would ever have a child.
I'm not going to lie. The pain is still there. I will always wonder what could have been had that baby been born. Yet, at the same time I know it happened for a reason, and I accept that, and I am grateful and happy to be alive and healthy.
The good news (and the real reason for this post) is that my husband and I are expecting again, BH, bili ayin hara, mashala, poo poo poo, etc. But this time, we are more sensitive about sharing our news. (I really hope I haven't offended anyone by posting this information, because obviously, that was not my intent).
I guess another reason for this post is to just make those who were unaware aware of the fact that, yeah! I'm happy for you! I want you to have a great and exciting life. But that doesn't mean you have to share every single detail of your joy with me. Especially if you know I'm having it rough for whatever reason.
P.S. I have to thank each and every one of you for facilitating my husband and my meeting each other, and furthermore, my pregnancy! You guys are all getting super points in shamayim I presume! Well done! And though I'm still trying to figure out the balance between what is ok to share and what is not, I will try and keep you guys updated about "feisty frummy junior" ;) Anyhow, over and out! ;)